My life with endometriosis and menieres: so what is menieres disease?

My life with endometriosis and menieres: so what is menieres disease?: So... after the wasted journey to Mr AC as I say my Doctor explained what menieres as in the physical thing is.  It made SO MUCH sense final...

Dating in Peoria (Part Three)

With two rather entertaining dates gone awry I decided to switch sites. Keep the same information and just see what happens. I browsed through a few but never made first contact.

Now this is the difficult part. To be honest I feel at a bit of a disadvantage. I read through profiles and read about all the guys that go about dating sites like the old joke about walking into a bar and asking every woman to sleep with them.

You would think that more people would take the time to read, process, and actually look for some sign of compatibility. I guess I’m old school when it comes to actually believing that a relationship is about mutual respect, communication, trust, attraction, and common interests.

Anyways back to this next attempt. This time I was contacted first about 3 weeks after registering. Looking over her profile I find, kids, in home care giver, various taste in music, honest, and wears heart on sleeve. Awww. After chatting for a bit I’m not doing anything and throwing caution to the wind we decide to meet the next day. Never exchanged number just a random he let’s see what happens.

After learning my lesson of the first two I opt for a meeting at the river. Simple walk, chat, and see if a more formal date would be possible. Casual outfit shorts and a T-shirt. We meet at the fountain by the water say out hellos and start our walk. Now, within the first ten minutes I was filled in on her six kids, she currently lives with a roommate who is madly in love with her but she is not into him. Her job is basically taking care of the kids and doing the occasional odd job here and there. Well at least she is being upfront and honest right? No drivers licence her exes apparently didn’t want her having one.

Ok so how do I follow that up? Looking back you would think I should have said my goodbyes and left. But being that her roommate dropped her off for an hour and a half with no way to reach him I being not a douche decided to at least chat. So we did. Back and forth about my job and living in Peoria Heights. Shying away from anything to personal instead reverting to trying not to asking her if she was looking for a relationship why would she not focus on getting things together. But its not my place. She sounds like things have been rough but again also not taking the time to focus on her. I won’t lie we had a good chat and when her roommate came back I shook her hand said I had a good time chatting with her and left it at that.

I got home. Settled in and popped on Netflix to watch a movie and fell asleep. About 2am my phone alert went off and I checked it to see a Facebook invite from her. Hmmm Ok no biggie and went back to sleep.

Starting at about 7 am the messages in the dating app and Facebook started.

Ok quick note. I have a distinguished voice. Most people that have met me have commented many times that I should be in radio. I’m not one to also try to score on my first date. If anything I revert to when I was younger at garage sales and my hands tend to stay in their pockets. I’m not a judgemental asshat who treats people poorly as I was raised with the Golden Rule in mind. Not a cheater as its happened to me and honestly if I don’t want to be with someone I won’t be.

So this being said I decided to log into Facebook and do a quick scan of her page. Comments of meeting the most amazing man. Ones about my voice. How respectful I was and how I was a perfect gentleman. Almost like she was shocked that there actually are men out there like that. Which got me thinking are there men like this on these dating sites? If not then on behalf of my gender I apologize for those men who don’t take the the time to get to know the women out there looking for something real. Again it goes back to self respect.

So back to this. At this point I begin reading the messages and am treated to compliments and questions as to when we will see each other again. Then apologies about being early but she couldn’t wait.

So being honest I just said I did have a nice time but I don’t think it would work. I was honest and mentioned my lack of comfort with her living situation. No licence and her living situation and lack of career or goals. I honestly felt like an ass but I had to be honest.

This was met with silence. Cool. She understood right? Nope as later that afternoon I’m sitting at the tower reading when I see her roommate pull up with her and all her kids. Two words, “Oh Shit.” Yep she brought all the kids to meet me. So smiling and not making a scene I said my hellos pulled her aside and rather nicely but sternly said I was not comfortable and she needs to leave me alone. Grabbed my things and left.

Came home and locked the door. Then the Facebook blasting began again. Now screaming how I embarrassed her in front of her kids. How I am just another asshole guy. And went on how I’m the first guy that was not just wanting to get in her pants. Then moved on to the pleading about seeing her to let her apologize and how wrong she was to introduce kids this early.

I was utterly dumbfounded. And all I could say was, “No. Its not a good idea.” And with this I blocked her.

The next couple days were quiet. Work home relax. Then I came home to find her roommate parked on the corner and she in the passenger seat. At my apartment. Alright now..again. I am not one to get angry however at this point I was getting that way.

She hopped out and walked over to question me rather loudly about why I won’t talk to her. Why I’m not interested in her and that she knows that she would be perfect with me. Again explaining that I have no interest as well as explaining to her that coming to my home. My place of safety without invite as well as never showing her or telling her where I lived was beyond uncomfortable. That’s when the roommate hopped out of the car and told her to get in. I looked over with a pleading look and received a shrug in return. She just stood there staring and I walked into the apt and closed the door.

Loud banging, knocking, and crying. So I returned and opened the door phone in hand and made a call to the local police to ask them to come by as I am having a bit of an issue. Explained yet again to her my discomfort and let her know that I will be filing a report of invasion of my privacy.

With a glare of hatred she quickly got in the car and they pulled off as the officer arrived. I never made the official complaint but thankfully she got the hint or moved on to the next guy. What ever the case may be I removed my profile from that site and will not be returning.

So to recap one that was married, one who drank me under the table and propositioned me for bill money, and one that was showing the signs of a stalker. Either way all I can say is wow.

Dating in Peoria (Part Two)

ack to the drawing board I went. This time lesson learned at least ask and not assume this time.

So let’s review this one. Divorced. Job shows: has one. Yeah Ok, I mean she is on a dating site. Would make since to not say what as to avoid creepy stalker types showing up with a boom box and wearing a trenchcoat. Also has kids being a father that’s a bonus to me. Not a make or break. And she enjoys the same music I do. Awesome.

So I spark up a conversation and it seems to go well. I check double check and even triple check that she is not married, involved, living with an ex nor have a conjoined twin. Over a few days we chat about music, movies, books, and kids. Friday is coming round and I see if she might entertain dinner.

This time we choose Olive Garden. Nice place bit overrated bit hey commercial is good for a first date. Arriving a few minutes early. Get names on the books and she arrives. Cute. Younger by a few years. Nice smile and light voice.

We are seated and we order drinks. Now as i mention last time I tend to avoid ordering anything with alcohol but she was quick to order a chocolate martini so I settled for a White Russian. Sipping on it we chatted and placed out orders which included another chocolate martini. Chewed on bread sticks and avoided putting forks in them and pretending to dance with them. Conversation was going well. Good laughs about the exes in our lives and funny things that the kids do.

So then the food came. And another chocolate martini. Now. Ok I kind of started to notice a couple warning bells going off. By this time I just finished my first drink and decided to opt for a iced tea. Not long island but just a normal one. Of course I’m not judging perhaps it was a long day. Maybe nervous and it helps calm the nerves no biggie. Who knows but gave the benefit of the doubt.

We both ate and chatted and she asked about dating horror stories and I had to bring up the last one which I already covered and she spoke about one on which the date was rude to her and everyone that worked at the bar the went to. Talking down to them as he was a big (omitted) in the area and they respect him. Course I have my own thoughts. So the end of dinner roles around. By this time she’s had 6 chocolate martinis and is wanting to know if I wanted to run downtown to chat more and walk.

So my thoughts kick in. Ok she’s able to walk straight. Eyes are a bit glassed over and she is getting rather touchy feely. Being a gentleman (not sarcasm) I agree and I will drive. To be honest the main reason is to avoid having her drive home after drinking this much.

She agrees and we hop in the car and head downtown. The conversation is a bit louder and its obvious that the liquor is getting into her system but its light hearted and we reach downtown. Its not that bad of a night and cooler which is nice. She asks about my moving out here and I share stories about my move and the trip, she talks about the different places she has travelled to as well. So we sit for a bit and she brings up going to Martini’s on the Water (of course didn’t see that one coming) as she stands and starts to walk over.

So now…here’s me. First date. Drove her downtown to walk and chat. I nervously laugh and make small talk about how nice a night out it is. Maybe head over there in a bit. She puts on a pout act and says “Come on they have music!” Annnnnnnd I give in.

I love this place. Old train station converted into a martini bar. All old school and original. Its a great place to go and have never had an issue there. But warning bells off I can at least make sure I won’t be buying her drinks as much as it kind of bothers me. But nope instead she buys herself the rounds and I stick with my iced tea but I admit I did have one peanut butter and jelly martini.

She at this point is chatting with anyone and everyone and its getting to be about midnight. Now I was not that tired but I had to cover a shift on Saturday and let her know that I need to get her back to her car or I would be happy to give her a lift home.

“No its Ok. I don’t have a car. Took a cab.” Hmmm. Ok that works. “I got a DUI last year so lost my licence.” Speechless. So I walk outside with her and ask if I need to call a cab or if she needs a ride.

Now simple question but she just looked me and then started crying. To which I had no idea how to react. So we walked over towards my car and I asked her what was wrong. She had lost her job due to the DUI, she had not had a night out in forever and I was just being so nice, and she hated to ask but Cilco was being turned off unless she could come up with the $75 to cover the bill.

So excusing myself I looked up a cab company and called. The five minute wait dragged on. What could I do? What should I do. Well obviously this probably is not the first time this has happened nor did I want to start something like this. I explained once the cab arrived that I would cover her ride home and it had been a nice evening.

Thinking this would be a good way of ending the night. Instead she slid up next to me and in a slurred sultry voice said she would make the financial help with my while….

Really? No self respect. That what this date was? I smiled and said no it wouldn’t be a good idea and the playful smile and deep eyes turned into anger and screaming.

Honestly I won’t repeat what was said but a couple started to look over and I quickly hurried to my car and sped home.

So…Ok that’s two rather interesting dates in the span of three weeks. Not endless to say I poured over my profile looking for something hat I might have in there saying, “Weirdos Apply Here!”

It took a couple weeks of texts both angry and pleading before she gave up. During this time I just gave up on the site I was on and decided to give it a rest. Certainly with time the crazies will become bored and I can look elsewhere and try again.

Third time has to be the charm right?

Too be continued…

Dating in Peoria

Ok so I’ve recently decided to try the dating scene again. In this social and digital age there are so many venues to choose from.

Multiple .com sites and mobile apps. Then the old fashioned meeting by random chance or the occasional set up by friend with a friend of a friend.

So here I am. August I hit the big 4-0. Some friends married, kids, others still single and enjoying having the single lifestyle of the chase of the new and exciting.

Well so I started with the online thing. Sign up for my free account and begin filling out the questions. Body type? Well no 6 pack but can see my feet when I pee. Hair color? Well damn I’m going grey but shave my head to avoid seeing it so will go with pre-grey and select brown.

On to the interesting items. Describe yourself and what your looking for. Well…myself. How does one do this. I work in the IT field (computer geek), educated (nerd), like going to concerts (drunk), father who pays child support (broke), loves to explore (drifter), tattooed (wait what?)

Then we come to putting a picture up. Ok so should it be a suit and tie selfie on the way to work? Or how about the T-shirt and shorts shot when out with friends, or wait should I do the one of me hanging out and playing chess withy son? Well damn all three maybe.

Ok so all set up. Witty comments in the profile? Check, try and find something that will set me apart? Check. Duck face picture? Um no pass on that.

Now to see who might interest me out there. Flipping through the different profiles and trying to figure out do I favorite them and let them favorite me? Do I send a message to them? If so something simple like Hi? Or more in depth like, so you like walking by the river too? Somehow I don’t think there is a perfect answer and while thinking about what to say about the first person I see that I really like based on the profile information and interests I get a message…

Wow that was quick. So I flip over to my messages and read, “You look fabulous in that purple shirt and tie.” Smiling I click on the senders profile to find a rather interesting sight. A guy in a dress. Smiling beneath a mustache that I on testosterone would still not be able to grow. Shivering I double check my settings. Yep, I am man seeking a woman.

Delete the message and go back to continue my message to my first choice. I decide on something simple and start with a simple hello and ask her about her interest in books.

So now what? Do I look on or see what happens? So I take a few minutes to browse the other users. Smile when I recognize a few people that I know from places I’ve worked or at one of the concerts I’ve been to. Wait…a couple of them know me already should I message them too?

Nah I decide to wait. Rinse and repeat. Over the course of a few weeks had some great conversations. Laughs as well. Finally comes the time to see about asking one if she would like to join me for dinner. Before I know it I’m smiling we’ve exchanged numbers and have a dinner planned for that Friday. Very cool.

Next couple days we text back and forth and then that Friday we chat early and agree to a time to meet for dinner. She has a sitter all set up and we agree to meet down at Joe’s Crab Shack as she likes seafood as much as I do.

Shower, shave, check breath and head out the door. Excited and trying not to show it too much. I await her arrival just outside and look out across the river. Suddenly a voice says my name and I turn to see my date. Pictures were dead on. Nice smile, dark hair quite attractive. We say our hellos and make small talk about the evening warm temps and looking forward to a nice dinner after a long week.

I’m an outdoors kind of guy so we opt for sitting out on the balcony and order a couple drinks. Now first step. I let her order her drink first. I don’t mind the occasional drink but don’t need to in order to have a good time. Not to mention I don’t want to come off as a big drinker as I am not that. I have a rather strict rule about drinking and dates. Will not be a regret and will not take someone home when I have been. But this is a first date and I have no expectations of taking her home anyways.

Waiter comes out to take our order and of course up sell the specials. I tend to stay away from those ever since the movie Slammin Salmon. Nervous about getting fish that might be on its way out. So she and I settle for crab legs of different types. Share and trade to see which we both like.

Continue the small talk about online dating and admit she is my first. She laughs and says she has had a few. It was about this time when I see a gentleman sitting behind her with a rather amused look on his face.

Now I say gentleman but let me describe him a bit more. I’m a shorter guy at about 5’10. I’m tattooed yes but not a burly farm type nor bigger biker type either. He was definitely blue collar. Big arms, big chest, gut over belt, and trucker baseball cap.

So I go back to chatting trying to get to know one another. She comments about her ex, kids, job and as much as I am listening to her I start to feel a bit strange as I cannot help but think that this guy behind her is burning a hole through me with his eyes.

Our meals arrive and we dive into the food. Glancing over I see Mr Ballcap is on his 4th beer so I mention him to my date. She laughs at my description of someone I think is wanting to join our date as well as my discomfort due to him just staring. I try and describe what he looks like but instead she “accidently” drops her napkin and glances back to look for herself.

And it was right then with the look on her face and tone in her voice that I realized she knew him. “Co-worker?, Ex-boyfriend? Stalker? Ex-husband?” She shook her head no to all of these. “Current boyfriend?” Also a no. And with that in a joking manor asked, “Current husband?” Well dear readers that got a dreaded nod.

So this is a joke right. He has to be a bail out call of sorts. Nope she said she is having a great time. Was he aware she was out on a date? Nope far as he was concerned they we’re happily married. He came to surprise her while she was having dinner with work friends as he was supposed to be working later and was unable to go.

I had eaten about half my meal. Excused myself to the bathroom and left. Her profile was taken down after some apologies and a text that she would like to still see me when he’s out which went unheard.

Needless to say my first experience was not the greatest. But live and learn. Of course I’m dating so the next person would be different….right?

To be continued…

Are you drunk?

the various employees walking them through a reset or installation. Then it hits. Spaced out. Things seem hazy. You feel yourself moving a little slower. Fear of the world spinning all of a sudden.

You make the attempt to try and stand up but can feel yourself slightly disorientated. "Keep it together man, don't let them see you this way." Your brain is screaming at you when you hit the bright sun and make your way to someplace safe so you can lay back and let the dizziness wash over you.

Someone glances over and sees as you use the cars or wall for leverage. First thought is Woah is he drunk? Second thought should I tell someone?

You start the car try and remained focused, using tunnel vision to drive the ten minutes home. Doing anything in your power not to turn your head. You've done this a thousand times. Lucky or just practiced. Radio is cutting into your head. Finally pulling up home. Slowly open the door and stagger up the stairs to quickly undress and pass out on the bed. Body feels like its run a marathon. Make sure to have a bucket nearby just in case.

Sure sounds like being drunk, under the influence of something or the other. But no. Not at all. See the body can actually make you feel all the bad effects of being drunk just by screwing with your ears. It called Ménière's Disease. Doctors say there is no known cause and no known cure. It can be treated. Low sodium diet, no smoking, drinking, caffeine, maybe a tube in the ear or steroid shots in the ear but again these are maybes.

I was diagnosed right after my son was born. Have good months and even a couple years as well. It sucks. Not going to lie. Thankfully is is covered my FMLA and is a valid disability. However quite a few people are stubborn about it. You see when people look at you they don't see anything wrong. No rapid weight loss. You don't lose your hair. Are not coughing. Nope you just act drunk.

Tried the diet, meds and now we are doing the injections into the ear. So far so good. No full fledged drop attacks. Being that I've not felt like I got hit by a truck all of a sudden then collapse with severe vertigo. Had some bad days. Spaced out feeling. Foggy brain. Unsteady on your feet.

Sometimes wishing that you could figure out a way to just fix the tubes in your ear or just rip out the balance

Hiding

So a random name popped up today and brought back a flood of memories. For those of you who know me I can be a pretty outspoken guy.

However prior to my 8th grade year I was in a box.  Not literally or course but one that I had begun building for myself mentally.  Refused to be social but deep inside I wanted to be.  Closed off from what normal kids my age should be.  Out at the movies with friends riding bikes getting lost and in trouble, trying to get what the young definition of a girlfriend was.  But after moving again and again I had given up.  My mom and her took us to a city called Auburn for vacation.  A small KOA campground however even that word to them began with a K.  Catchy I guess.  Anyways,  don't get me wrong it was fun at first.  Camping out,  panning for gold,  fishing, river surfing,  and canoeing. The little arcade had video games,  pool and movies and there were other kids to run around and hang out with. 

This vacation ended up being longer and before we knew it we were registered in school and my mom had picked up working at American River College and Rocklin College summer camp of the San Francisco 49ers. Got to see all the players up close met Montana,  Rice,  and the others.  Being a Raider fan and all it was amusing but back then was still a big deal to see all these players.

So school,  picture it.  Starting 8th grade.  Being dropped off and picked up going home to a pop up trailer to do home work then run around till it was time to sleep and start the day again. Showers were at the bathrooms.  Cold on the winter mornings, the trailers dwindling  down as the summer residents left to travel back home. Soon to save even more money we moved out to a smaller location right on the boarder of Grass Valley on the Bear River.

Kids at the time we're cruel at the beginning and some stayed that way.  We didn't have the latest fashions. The nice cars nor the awesome house or even meager apartment.  I was always walking.  So in PE I had endurance and track,  football,  appealed to me.  Did both,  started making friends and at this point I guess I just let the wall down.

I threw out who I was.  Gave up caring what people thought.  They really didn't know what was inside of me.  Who I was,  my thoughts,  dreams and I know some felt pity but honestly I did the care.  I was me.  Like me or hate me.  I did well.  School was easy and I studied hard but after I was always out.  Snow,  rain,  shine didn't matter. They had a movie theater that would show a double feature for $5i think so for $10 I was set to take a date or friend and hang out. I also began mowing grass to pick up cash for myself or little odd jobs here and there.

Sure I still got picked on but when push came to shove if words were thrown I would turn,  smile,  and just laugh.  I think that surprised everyone.  The fact that I knew I was not rich,  or had a warm bed every night.  But ya know if anything my thought was,  "what will happen to you when it's all gone?"  It was a rite of passage in my mind.  Knowing that Yeah it was hard. Rough even but in the long run I would be stronger.  Not feeling like I was better then anyone but more prepared.

To fill my time I listened to AM radio shows,  and read anything and everything I could get my hands on.  This allowed me to escape in my mind to places that I read a out.  Broadening my imagination.  Making me look at details and capture them with my eyes closed and even when out and about seeing the sights.  I can still picture the little clearing where I took a few girlfriends that over looked a small river. 

That year I felt like I fell in love for the first time.  Met an amazing girl who ended up moving away.  Still remember her name and the day I found out about her moving. Still remember the sound that I heard when I heard the news and still remember making mix tapes and getting them from her as well.

It was a crazy time between my 8th grade year and that next summer. Hormones of a teenage boy.  Wondering if I would get caught dating one girl then another and trying to hide it.  Stupid but at that age who isn't. 

Broke some hearts and had mine broken as well. This was also the year that my sense of humor began. Smart assed and carefree.  I think one of my teachers back then said it best.  When I smiled they would remark,  "Ah yes the Rickman smile.  The I did it but you can't prove it look." 

Since I doubt that anyone will really read this I will say that the following people really had an impact on those beginning years that I called friends,
Bryan Brashear, Ginger Williams, Barbara Kirby,  Tina Yee, and Danielle Arnold. I'm sure they are all now in their own lives.  Kids,  married,  divorced maybe but I hope they are happy where ever they might be.  I've not forgotten them and never will.  I cannot thank then enough for giving me the honor of calling them friends.

Walking..

So I've walked. Sometimes to get from point A to point B,  to get away from someplace as well as to get to some place.

Life is just that.  A series of moving from  one place to the next.  Whether it be I  a physical sense or mental.  The question is the time it will take. 

When I left California I was in a hurry.  The trip from my home town to Los Angeles was a blur.  As was the trek from LA to Vegas

Some move quickly others slowly.  Some smell the proverbial flowers or rush by not appreciating what they are seeing along the way. I saw the other travelers and chuckled a bit at those that were pursuing a dream to hit it rich or make it big. 

In a way I hope that one of those travellers did find the American Dream whatever there destination was. Too often however we forget to stop and think along the way.

Don't get me wrong there is something to be said to taking that chance.  Just throw caution to the wind and run with life.  See what it will throw at you.  But be prepared. The end of that rainbow has a cloud for a reason.  What will happen if the mist clears and nothing is there? What is the toll you must pay? For some it's is riches eternal and does who you are are where you came from stay within you? The dreams you have are they the same and are you staying on that road to happiness that you set for yourself?

We grow.  Dreams change.  Life happens that steers us one way then another. But ultimately the question is who are we to others when the lights are no longer upon us,  the riches are gone and we are left at the beginning again.

To take a venture into the unknown is a leap and to live we must face a thought of doing just that.  Be it a new job,  a new friendship or relationship,  or a dream that we hope to chase.  Just be ready for what the outcome is going to be. 

Some go mad, some look for the end of a rope or bottom of a bottle.  I just hope you dear reader remember these words and when that day comes think.  Remember who you are and where you came from. Be it finding your way to fight for yourself you can do it again.  Life is not lost.  Or everything was laid out for you. Keep that happiness it was there once what lessons can you teach?