Hiding

So a random name popped up today and brought back a flood of memories. For those of you who know me I can be a pretty outspoken guy.

However prior to my 8th grade year I was in a box.  Not literally or course but one that I had begun building for myself mentally.  Refused to be social but deep inside I wanted to be.  Closed off from what normal kids my age should be.  Out at the movies with friends riding bikes getting lost and in trouble, trying to get what the young definition of a girlfriend was.  But after moving again and again I had given up.  My mom and her took us to a city called Auburn for vacation.  A small KOA campground however even that word to them began with a K.  Catchy I guess.  Anyways,  don't get me wrong it was fun at first.  Camping out,  panning for gold,  fishing, river surfing,  and canoeing. The little arcade had video games,  pool and movies and there were other kids to run around and hang out with. 

This vacation ended up being longer and before we knew it we were registered in school and my mom had picked up working at American River College and Rocklin College summer camp of the San Francisco 49ers. Got to see all the players up close met Montana,  Rice,  and the others.  Being a Raider fan and all it was amusing but back then was still a big deal to see all these players.

So school,  picture it.  Starting 8th grade.  Being dropped off and picked up going home to a pop up trailer to do home work then run around till it was time to sleep and start the day again. Showers were at the bathrooms.  Cold on the winter mornings, the trailers dwindling  down as the summer residents left to travel back home. Soon to save even more money we moved out to a smaller location right on the boarder of Grass Valley on the Bear River.

Kids at the time we're cruel at the beginning and some stayed that way.  We didn't have the latest fashions. The nice cars nor the awesome house or even meager apartment.  I was always walking.  So in PE I had endurance and track,  football,  appealed to me.  Did both,  started making friends and at this point I guess I just let the wall down.

I threw out who I was.  Gave up caring what people thought.  They really didn't know what was inside of me.  Who I was,  my thoughts,  dreams and I know some felt pity but honestly I did the care.  I was me.  Like me or hate me.  I did well.  School was easy and I studied hard but after I was always out.  Snow,  rain,  shine didn't matter. They had a movie theater that would show a double feature for $5i think so for $10 I was set to take a date or friend and hang out. I also began mowing grass to pick up cash for myself or little odd jobs here and there.

Sure I still got picked on but when push came to shove if words were thrown I would turn,  smile,  and just laugh.  I think that surprised everyone.  The fact that I knew I was not rich,  or had a warm bed every night.  But ya know if anything my thought was,  "what will happen to you when it's all gone?"  It was a rite of passage in my mind.  Knowing that Yeah it was hard. Rough even but in the long run I would be stronger.  Not feeling like I was better then anyone but more prepared.

To fill my time I listened to AM radio shows,  and read anything and everything I could get my hands on.  This allowed me to escape in my mind to places that I read a out.  Broadening my imagination.  Making me look at details and capture them with my eyes closed and even when out and about seeing the sights.  I can still picture the little clearing where I took a few girlfriends that over looked a small river. 

That year I felt like I fell in love for the first time.  Met an amazing girl who ended up moving away.  Still remember her name and the day I found out about her moving. Still remember the sound that I heard when I heard the news and still remember making mix tapes and getting them from her as well.

It was a crazy time between my 8th grade year and that next summer. Hormones of a teenage boy.  Wondering if I would get caught dating one girl then another and trying to hide it.  Stupid but at that age who isn't. 

Broke some hearts and had mine broken as well. This was also the year that my sense of humor began. Smart assed and carefree.  I think one of my teachers back then said it best.  When I smiled they would remark,  "Ah yes the Rickman smile.  The I did it but you can't prove it look." 

Since I doubt that anyone will really read this I will say that the following people really had an impact on those beginning years that I called friends,
Bryan Brashear, Ginger Williams, Barbara Kirby,  Tina Yee, and Danielle Arnold. I'm sure they are all now in their own lives.  Kids,  married,  divorced maybe but I hope they are happy where ever they might be.  I've not forgotten them and never will.  I cannot thank then enough for giving me the honor of calling them friends.